NEIL KEENAN | Neil’s Tales

Batman and the Fat Girl

In his primary and middle school years, Neil, though small in stature, was a scrapper and a kid to be reckoned with and avoided in a fight as his body was already lean and muscles taught from all his sports training and activities.

And being Irish he opted to carrying about his own “shillelagh”, which was a miniature baseball bat that he used during the Summer to play stickball in the streets with his neighborhood buddies and to just swing it around to strengthen his wrists reflexes for each sport season.

On this day Neil was heading back home when he rounded a street corner and ran into a gang of older boys that were “shaking down” one of Neil’s classmates whose books and papers were all scattered about and the poor kid was being pushed back and forth by the Bullies.   

The classmate was one of those studious types with thick glasses and always with a book in hand, what is called a “nerd” these days or a “wimp”. 

So he was easy pickings for the Bullies who circled him with taunts and physical shoving seeing if they could shake down the poor kid and get some money or just have fun harassing an innocent just for amusement.

Well Neil sees what’s happening and walks up to the gang and asks, “What’s going on here?” (which he already knew what was taking place).

The Bullies Leader then steps forward with a “None of your business #!*@head! Get Lost!” and gives Neil a shove…

AUGH OH! That was a big mistake.  You should never provoke a fight with an Irishman.  They never quit!

Neil took another shove and then with lightning speed BATMAN arose!  First swing was to the head that open a 6-stitch gash and made a bloody mess, followed by strikes to the arms and knees, then one to the nose for black eyes and finally a crushing blow that broke the bastard’s leg, leaving him crying in a bleeding heap on the ground.

It was all over in less than a minute and Neil just stood there saying “Next!?”

The rest of the Bullies stepped back and then scattered, leaving their buddy to moan alone.

Neil then helped his classmate pick up his belongings and walked with the boy back to his home, before heading for the gym to cool down.

Later that evening Constable O’Malley stopped by Neil’s house and asked Neil if he knew anything about the fight that happened downtown that afternoon?  Neil replied, “What fight?  I was at the gym all afternoon.” 

“Well” said O’Malley, “That ruffian from the Elm Street Gang got himself landed in the hospital with a broken leg and plenty of stitches.  Seems he bit off more than he could chew and got what he deserved.  Nice seein’ ya Neil.”

After dinner Neil’s father called Neil over for an old Irish saying, “For the Irish it is only a fight if you WIN.”  No more needed to be said.

The Fat Girl

Later in the Fall school term Neil noticed a group of boys huddling together on the playground, so he went over to investigate.  What he found was a bunch of boys who had surrounded the class’s “Fat Girl”.  (There is always one.) 

The boys were calling her names, making derogatory and demeaning comments and not releasing her from their fun and games.

Of course Neil steps into the fray, is disgusted at what he sees and sets out to break up the gathering.  He comments that it is not right to judge anyone by how they look or by their race or ethnic background, and that they should apologize to the girl.

And as usual there is always the wise guy who blurts out, “Make ME!”  So Neil obliges the idiot with a right to the nose, which raises his arms for a punch to the gut, which doubles him over for an uppercut to the chin that sends him flat on his back with a bloody nose. A 10-second basketball drill.

Neil then takes the Fat Girl by the hand.  Asks her if she is alright.  And then escorts her back to where her girlfriends are sitting.

A little while later one of the prettiest girls in school and the BFF (Best Friend Forever) of the Fat Girl came over to Neil and thanked him for rescuing her friend and if he ever needed anything she and all the girls in school will help him.

This one little incident made Neil the undisputed champion and protector of all the girls in the school and gave him the opportunity to cherry pick the best among them… which he did.   

But what is the important take away from these two tales is the fact that even at an early age Neil had developed a strong moral core and would selflessly engage in supporting anyone in need of help. 

To this day this humanitarian attitude still pervades his memories and he remains a most GIVING human being.

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